These oldies are far from goldies
Ever since a septuagenarian Mae West warbled through “Twist and Shout” in 1966, vanity albums by celebrities have been a serious gamble, including these Hall of Shame turkeys:
CAROL BURNETT, “Featuring If I Could Write a Song” (1972). Never mind if she could write a song. If the great comic genius could make you laugh out loud, why couldn’t she have made this more than a guilty pleasure?” For pure cornball camp, nothing beats the hung-over blues of “Saturday Morning Confusion.”
DON JOHNSON, “Heartbeat” (1986). Listen at your own risk as you relive the neon ’80s with Johnson’s debut, whose freshness date expired, oh, about six months after it was released. If you think the original “Miami Vice” feels dated, check out the synthesizer and saxophone on “Voice on a Hotline.”
STEVEN SEAGAL, “Songs From the Crystal Cave” (2004). Lest you forget he can snap your neck in a second, when Seagal sings “Don’t You Cry,” you better listen to the man. Apparently, there was enough demand for a follow-up, “Mojo Priest,” two years later.
WILLIAM SHATNER, “Has Been” (2004). To say Shatner sings is a little misleading. He mostly narrates these songs with a surreal spoken-word delivery that’s just a little creepy. But guest turns from Aimee Mann and Ben Folds (together on the expectedly good “That’s Me Trying”) make it surprisingly palatable.